Have you been told that you need to move on or that you yourself feel that you need to move on? How did that land with you? How does that sit with you?
I know it didn’t sit well with me when I would hear it. I know people mean well, but they usually don’t understand how it feels to lose someone so close. Or that is how they have dealt with it in their life.
People want us to hit the reset button and continue where we left off. It’s not that easy, is it? We have had a profound loss and it changes us in a way we never knew would happen. And we don’t know until it does happen to us.
I truly believe that you can move forward through your grief. But, how long that takes depends on the individual.
When I went to talk to a counsellor in the early days of grief about the death of my daughter, I was told it could be between 5-10 years to move through the worst of the grief. It sounded unbelievable. That is a long time. How would I survive?
Now that I am past the 5th year mark, I completely understand what she meant.
For me, around the 4th anniversary of my daughter’s death I felt a shift in my grief. I could feel myself moving through the storm to the other side. I had worked really hard on my grief. Looking it straight in the eye and allowing it to flow through me. I had tried everything I could find around me to help me go through this process. This is how I work; this is what worked for me. I can look back and see the process now.
Grief is a process and how you move through it is what works for you. Some people don’t want to sit and chat, some want to move about or make things or build things or help people. There is an endless list of what a person can do to help themselves. It’s not selfish or indulgent. It’s self care.