September

It's always this time of year as the weather changes, the leaves start to turn, the geese fly over head, that I start to think of a time 9 years.
It was around this time that Emma wasn't feeling well. Headaches, vomiting, lethargy. It was a bug, a virus, a flu. It wasn't what I thought it was, dehydration. I mean what did I know. It would take 1 month to figure it out. If we had found out sooner, would we have caught it, cured it, would she still be here with us. 
My heart tells me no, my head tells me yes. 
I honestly don't know. 
Guilt. Of course. Why didn't I know sooner? 
Darrell was leaving for work, kids were going back to school, I was thinking about going back to work. We're these plausible excuses for not noticing.
But I did notice. I did question. I did wonder. But it took a month to find out. 
Why? Because kids don't get cancer do they? As 'rare' as it is I now know so many children that have had, fought, 'recovered' or died from cancer. 9 years ago, I didn't know one.
September is childhood cancer awareness month.