June 20th 2020
The day before. The day before my life changed forever. This is how it goes. This is how it will be forever. The emotions build up and the feelings and the everything. I remember the day like it was yesterday. A seemingly everyday kind of day. Well for most, not for us. We were trying to squeeze every moment out of the day. In my head, in my heart, something knew. It had been telling me for days. But I wasn’t ready. Would I ever have been ready? I said you could go. I knew you needed to go. But I didn’t want you to go. I had to be a mother, a parent, and put everything I wanted aside and let you do what you needed to do. That’s how it goes. That’s what you sign up for. But this? When it’s over. Did I sign up for this? This will last me a lifetime. Oh, and how I hope it’s not a long lifetime. Just long enough to see the other one through. When he’s ready. Not now. But always on my mind. Until we meet again my love.
I love you. I miss you. Forever and always.
I was pouring all my emotions into my writing. I never wrote before Emma died, well, I mean daily. I started the day she died. That night. When I had so much more to say to her. It was the only way I knew how to express it. Writing is what got me through. Still does. It was something that worked for me. It took a while to realize it. But a few months after Emma died, I realized that the writing was taking me somewhere. On a journey of trying to heal a broken heart.